So you had a bad day...

Yesterday could have been better.

And, sometimes I fail to see why I'm so lucky that I've made it through my life relatively unscathed. I've had some set backs and I have had some failures...but my life would be deemed successful, worthwhile, and happy...

Let me explain. Yesterday I deposed my first rape victim. This has affected me in ways I didn't really expect. As an attorney, you should appear to have taken it all in stride. You are not supposed to show your surprise, you should act as if you knew it all along.

But, what killed me yesterday was the fact that this woman was twenty-one years old and scared. She didn't speak English...she couldn't read...she's single and five months pregnant. And, as a human, there are certain things that we cannot stomach. This was one of them. As she talked about how my client had repeatedly raped her, I began thinking about my duties to my client as a lawyer. As a woman - as a human - my initial response was to be as caring, compassionate and concerned as possible. But as an attorney, my response is somewhat different. It's supposed to be unemotional, unaffected and suspicious. I am supposed to be a zealous advocate for my client. But, how can I act that way when I have a frightened young woman sitting across from me, telling me her most shameful experiences?

So, what did I do? I tried to poke holes in her story, I tried to find footing on which I could build a defense. I did my job. I'd like to think that I was respectful of her while I was doing it, but come on...I was trying to find the pieces that didn't fit.

I haven't stopped thinking about it.