What I don't get...

I was watching television last night when a commercial for All laundry detergent came across the screen. The specific product advertised was "All - Small & Mighty" laundry detergent. The product claimed that it was three times as concentrated as regular All and therefore, a person would simply have to use less laundry detergent. The "All - Small & Mighty" bottle claims to be able to wash thirty-two loads of laundry.

I don't understand this gimmick.

The regular All - the one in the big detergent bottle - also washes thirty-two loads of laundry. There's nothing "extra-special" about the "Small & Mighty" bottle except the size. The thing that gets me is that the only "extra special" thing about this detergent is that the bottle is smaller - and you use less laundry detergent. But it doesn't matter because, regardless of the size of the bottle you buy, because you're still only going to get to wash thirty-two loads of laundry.

I did a little research on the All website. When they were asked about how the Small & Mighty product compared to the regular detergent, this was their response:

Let’s just say it can hold its own with the big boys. All® Small & Mighty’s® 3x more powerful formula allows you to get a mighty clean with 1/3 the amount of All® that you are probably used to using. Remember, good things come in small packages!

Therefore, I'm pretty sure that the only thing special about this detergent is that it's small. I also did some research about the cost of the detergent. The regular All detergent costs about $2.00 less than the Small & Mighty. So, this means that you're paying $2.00 more to do the same amount of laundry. There really is no benefit to using this product. The only people I can see this product benefiting is the old ladies that can't lift the ten pounds that the regular detergent bottles cost.

I've been seeing these incredible shrinking products everywhere. Everything seems to be getting smaller - and I don't know why that is. Perhaps the product isn't selling and so they decide to make it smaller to see if that will increase sales - I don't know. In any case, until they either decrease the price of the incredibly shrunk products or somehow make them worthwhile and sensible in terms of cost, I think I'll stick to the original.

Walk the Plank

I have my first trial tomorrow. I'm working so hard to try and settle the case, but I just don't think it's going to get there today...so, tomorrow I start my first trial. And, truth be told, I don't know that I really understand what I'm doing. This is bad news for my client.

I suppose I should pony up and actually try the case. I know it better than the managing partner, I took the deposition, I attended the pre-trials, I attempted to settle it. I wanted to be a trial lawyer, and this is how you get there, I suppose.

What's holding me back is that I'm going against two men who have been in the business for more than thirty years. Now, dear reader, you must understand that I am not even thirty years old. I am twenty-six years old and going to trial for the first time. There's also a co-defense counsel, who I don't really like either. I feel like he's trying to man-handle me and push me around simply because I'm a young woman. This has also been confirmed by the managing partner on the case. The original trial strategy on this case is that I would handle all the day-to-day stuff on the file, and then, the seasoned, name partner would try the case. In a sense, we were trying to stage a coup...draw them in with my inexperience and then hit them with the big guy.

However, now I am the "big guy" and all that inferiority has come creeping up and I am left shaking in my stylish, yet affordable, heels.

I know that this is the first of many trials I will face. But...I'm scared to walk the plank.

Paris goes to jail

One of the top stories that was on the news this morning was that the heiress, Paris Hilton, was sentenced to spend 45 days in jail for violating her parole.

Her excuse is that she is treated unfairly because of who she is and that the cops are out to get her because they have all hit on her and she's turned them down. Now, I will say that I don't necessarily wish jail time on someone - but I do think that Paris should absolutely pay down her time in the slammer.

Paris Hilton was actually late yesterday to her own court appearance which doesn't make a judge happy. Believe me. I had a professor in law school once who told me that, "Early is on time, on time is late, and late is unacceptable..." and then he went on to tell stories of how cases have been thrown out simply because a party was late. It just goes to show that Paris has absolutely no respect for the legal system and expected to walk through it with nothing more than a slap on the wrist. Perhaps she expected His Honor to hit on her as well.

The other thing that drives me nuts about this all is that she tried to blame it on Elliot Mintz, her publicist (who in my opinion, deserves to be nominated for some kind of sainthood) by saying that Elliot told her she could drive under certain circumstances. Well, ignorance is fortunately not a defense to the law. But, the total ludicrousness of this whole incident keeps getting expounded. A petition has been drafted trying to get the California governor to pardon Paris because she provides "beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives." Ahem. Offensive. As if Arnie didn't have anything better to do, he should grant Paris a pardon because she's pretty. Get over it. She urges all fans to "sihn" her petition. My guess is that she may not have been so ignorant if she had actually taken the time to learn how to read and spell. Then, she could have read the charges against her, actually understood that she wasn't supposed to driver her car, and learned how to spell "sign" in the process.

I was watching some special last night about creative sentencing, which I wholeheartedly support. It involved using embarrassment - rather than jail time - for non-violent offenders to really get the message across that their actions were wrong. It involved everything from lecturing in a dog costume to children about pet care for a man who abused dogs to wearing a sign indicating her crime in front of the store from where this woman stole. Naomi Campbell was sentenced under creativity for making the princess/supermodel perform community service in the sanitation department. My point is, that in the spirit of "creative sentencing," jail time is probably a perfect punishment for Paris. Gone are her pills, booze, labels, pets, and her luxury. For the first time in her life, she'll just be another person. But, I doubt she'll actually take prison that seriously.

Now, Paris is claiming that she was treated unfairly because of "who she is." And, while I don't disagree entirely, my guess is that she's seeing it through rose colored glasses. In a poll on People.com, 91% of people believe that Paris should go to jail. My guess is it's not because of what she did wrong, necessarily, it's because most people can't stand her - because of "who she is." It isn't because the wold loves her, it's because she made herself famous for partying, crotch shots, and amateur porn movies.

Or, maybe the judge's kid got harassed on "The Simple Life." His Honor has his reasons too, you know. But, I'm happy to see at least one person take a stand and actually enforce the law.

My most favorite website...

I love this website. I especially love the section about "Missed Connections" and "Rants and Raves." It makes me laugh and I love to see the little antidotes that people post in there.

Link

Join the Movement

Yesterday, I participated in the MS Walk around St. Paul and Minneapolis. We walked nine miles to help find a cure for multiple sclerosis. While the weather could have been better, I am never disappointed by the motivation and inspiration I find within each one of these events. This one, however, hit pretty close to home for me and I spent most of the walk thinking how lucky I was and how big of a bullet I actually dodged.

During my senior year of college, I began to have some serious problems with my right shoulder and arm. Originally, the doctors thought that it was due to an old soccer injury that I'd had surgically repaired some years before. But, I began to lose function and sensation in my right hand and arm. So, scans and tests were ordered and they found some abnormalities in my brain. Make all the jokes you want now...back then, it wasn't funny. A doctor told me, somewhat ambivalently, that it looked like I was in the beginning stages of MS.

Over the next two and a half years, I visited every specialist in the State of Minnesota. I went to neurologists, neuropsychiatrists, motor function specialists, physical medicine specialists, physical therapists, orthopedists, and cardiologists. I also underwent just about every test in the book - from MRIs to CT scans, spinal taps to EMGs and EKGs. My blessings became the occasional week where I wasn't scheduled to see any doctors. It was emotionally and physically exhausting for both me and my family. I remember sitting in the waiting room with my mother - waiting to see yet another expert in the field of MS - watching all those who already suffered significantly from the disease and crying because I believed my young, strong body would eventually deny me.

These doctors put me on all different kinds of trial drugs and had me undergo motor function tests to try and figure out the cause of my slowness in response and my lack of sensation. Nothing worked. Eventually, during my second year of law school, I saw a new specialist who looked at all my test results and told me, just as ambivalently as the first doctor had, that he didn't think I had MS.

Just like that.

He referred me to a cardiologist who determined I had thoracic outlet syndrome - a condition where my first and second ribs were too close together and were constricting my thoracic artery, cutting off the circulation to my nerves and causing the loss of sensation in my hand and fingers. So, the doctor removed the rib and I was restored to "normal."

Far be it from me to forget to count my blessings but those two and a half years left me significantly changed and somewhat jaded. Then, my girlfriend Shan - who overcame her own personal battle with cancer - told me that the only thing you can ever truly control is your attitude. I had been so angry at all the doctors who put me through all that testing and who had kept me up at night for two and a half years that I failed to see the blessing in it all. While there are certain blessings which may seem obvious, I was left healthy for a reason.

Yesterday, I felt so inadequate. I raised money, yes...but I got to walk nine miles to show my support for MS research. More importantly, I can walk nine miles. I walked past people in wheelchairs and people who were struggling to make the next step. My body has gotten stronger and it doesn't seem fair. Those people who suffer from the disease motivate me to move faster and farther. They are the people who don't blame their circumstances for their lot in life - the ones who push us to make a change.

Fortune smiles on so many people who fail to appreciate the significance of its gifts. I realized that I had to go through what I did to appreciate all that I have. People can make a change. We just have to realize what we've been given and use it to inspire change in others.
Link

The Most Over-played Song of All Time

"Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot...

I hate this song. I think it came out when I was twelve years old and I don't think I've gone a week since 1992 without hearing that damn song. Radio stations insist on playing it at least once a day and it is still being played at the bars and clubs like some kind of mantra.

Girls will occasionally get out and shake their asses to the song, but come on...at some point the song gets a little ridiculous. It's about a man loving a woman with a giant ass. Which is all fine and good but I think it's gotten to the point where the song has become the "Big Ass Anthem."

Perhaps if the song was played on a less frequent basis, it would still hold some of the nostalgia and fond memories that it once did. Like Young MC. But the song is played so much that my mother actually knows the words. And it's disturbing to see a 58-year old woman is rapping "My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon!"

And, truth be told...I can't tell if one should actually be offended by the song. For example, while the song is all about loving "back" when it's played in the dance clubs and someone actually goes out to dance to it, are you showing off your assets or admitting you have a giant butt?

While having junk in the trunk is the equivalent of the large breast movement for the new millenium, "Baby Got Back" does not appreciate the ass and talk about it with all the respect it's owed. The song talks about how a guy won't sleep with a woman who's butt isn't stuffed.

So, to the radio stations and DJs playing this song...stop, for the love...it's kind of offensive and fifteen years old. Put it on the shelf and let it collect dust for a while.