As a young, female attorney, you would be surprised at the amount of sexist - and ageist - comments that I receive...however, I have compiled a Top Ten of the worst comments that have been made to me in the past year of practice:
10. "Ah; the court reporter is here."
Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with being a court reporter. There isn't and I'd be lost without mine - but it drives me crazy that everyone assumes I'm the court reporter. As if I couldn't be an attorney. And, as a side note, this assumption has been made numerous times by many attorneys.
9. "You don't look old enough to be an attorney."
While I should assume that this is meant to be a compliment, I actually take offense to it because, guess what? I actually am old enough to be an attorney. Perhaps I was blessed with good genes. This actually goes hand in hand with the comment referenced above.
8. "My client would like to know, after we're done with the proceeding, if you'd like to get a drink with him."
This wasn't the first time I'd gotten asked out either. But having the lawyer ask me out for his client was truly a new low. No settlement offer. No negotiations. But an offer for a date.
7. "Keep it tight."
I actually heard this leaving a happy hour and I never understood why men say this. You will never hear a woman tell another to "keep it tight," mostly because of its derogatory connotations. I'm sure that men say this because they're referring to their "game" or whatever, but women can actually take offense to this - as they should "keep it tight" for the men, anatomically speaking of course. At least that's how it was explained to me. I looked this term up on Google and Wikipedia and both were indeterminate, only really referencing an Amos Lee song. I also surveyed my girlfriends on the cryptic meaning of this phrase to determine whether offense should be taken and I had responses ranging from slang for "good-bye" to "keep it on the down low" to the definition which I assumed. But still, a simple, "Take care" would have sufficed.
6. "You remind me of a runner-up in a Miss America pageant."
Again, true story. This was said by a judge in reference to the fact that I was smiling during a negotiation. It was actually a comment made to me by a female judge. The gist of her commentary to me was that I should have been more deferential to my partner, a male, as of course, the winner of the Miss America pageant. Perhaps he should have been offended too.
5. "You should know, the women always get through easier than the men do."
This was said to me when I was given a file to settle on behalf of an older, male partner who was unable to get a hold of opposing counsel. I made contact with opposing counsel on my first try, apparently, because I'm a woman. Again, proof positive that the legal system has little to do with justice.
4. "You know, you're really becoming a cynical bitch."
I might have just taken his client to the cleaners when opposing counsel said this to me. But, truth be told, this comment obviously upset me, even if it was made out of spite. I told my boss that this particular attorney had called me a cynical bitch. My boss responded, misty eyed, that he was very proud of me.
3. "Since when does your firm hire young, attractive women?"
This wasn't said directly to me, but was instead written in a letter to my boss. This comment was, in fact, the very thing that prompted this whole list. I had appeared in an older male attorney's office to take his client's deposition. In opposing counsel's follow-up letter to my boss, this attorney had found it necessary to comment both on my age and the way that I look. I wonder what would have happened if I had written a letter to opposing counsel telling him that it was great to have such a hottie sitting across the table from me during negotiations.
2. "You know, I can fire you."
I'm not entirely sure why this individual even chose to say this to me because he couldn't. My guess is that it was really only used and said as an intimidation tactic from a man who suffers from Short Man Syndrome and needed to beat his chest.
1. "Hey, after we're done here, would you like to get a bite to eat, little lady?"
This is actually my personal favorite and a story that I tell repeatedly. This question was posed to me while I was taking a deposition. The comment was actually made on the record, meaning if you review the transcript, you can actually read this statement and my response. But, it just goes to show you that the man that I was deposing really didn't respect my position as a lawyer. That, and the fact that I hate being called "little lady" by any one other than my dad or my grandpa.
The point of all these comments is that most people think they can get away with them. And, unfortunately, sometimes they do. But, I always wonder what would happen if the tables were turned and I was the one making these comments to another attorney. I wouldn't get away with it.
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