Bragging Rights

We have entered the days of bragging rights.

Minnesotans love to boast about how they can withstand subzero temperatures just to get that look of disbelief out of anyone not from this state. But, to attain that badge of honor, the right to brag, we must suffer through several days of frigid weather. I'm not even sure if there's a word to describe how cold it is right now. So, we have entered the days of bragging rights. The time of year when every Minnesotan silently curses the fact that they live in this state. It would be below us to say it out loud. But we are proud that we can survive in these temperatures and we are proud to tell others that we live in a state where it gets too cold to snow.

However, I am a true Minnesotan and I have the ability to brag about the Winter of 1996 when the Governor shut the state down because it was too cold. He told all Minnesotans to stay indoors because it was unsafe to be outside for a prolonged period of time. I distinctly remember that day. I was shopping at the Mall of America, in true Minnesota fashion.

In actuality, you can't tell the difference between -4 and -35. It feels the same. Really cold. But, just like animals, we adapt to our environment. We know that we should wear a hat, gloves, a scarf and a heavy coat. And, we can make a fashion statement while doing it. And we know, without ever watching "A Christmas Story" that you should never stick your tongue on metal in this weather, much less touch it without a gloved hand. We are the state of electric car starters and electric blankets.

However, every year, there are those who, unfortunately lose their lives to the cold in the same way that heat waves cause death in other states. And it's always the same story. An intoxicated person tries to walk home from the bar and becomes disoriented and passes out in a ditch. Because, as we all know, alcohol makes you immune to the cold. And there is an odd combination created of alcohol, cold, and its effect on everyone who chooses to drink it. I remember in college, not only would I get intoxicated, but I would choose to walk home, many times alone. I also used to be baffled by the girls who would wear tiny tank tops under their North Face jackets to parties. I really can't tell you which act is more stupid. There was a saying at my college that a student wouldn't get up with an inch of snow on the ground to make it to class, but that they'd walk a mile in a foot of it for a beer. And this was pretty much true. Thankfully, we didn't lose anyone to this phenomenon while I was in college, but it happens every year, without fail.

I always attribute these days as the reason that Minnesotans take full advantage of the summertime. I think that, because we endure this cold for so long, we appreciate the summer all the more when it actually comes. We try and soak up as much warmth and sun as we can before we all return to hibernation, hoping it lasts us through April. The sunshine cures our Seasonal Affective Disorder, the official name for "Cabin Fever," which by this time of year, every Minnesotan has suffered at least one bout.

In any case, it becomes a game of how long you can stay inside. And, with no end in sight to our cold, we come to rely on the creature comforts, such as a heated garage, a furnace and a gas fireplace.