Silver Linings

I've been trying to find the words that would best encapsulate the ordeal that has been my life for the past two weeks, but there really is no explanation sufficient. Yet, the thought came to me while still groggy from medication and in the midst of a bout of feeling sorry for myself that life really is a series of unplanned events. Life is merely reality and whether events are good or bad depend on our perception of them and whether we see them through rose colored glasses or through the bottom of a half empty glass.

While there is little doubt that recovering from a punctured lung is not the way that I wanted to spend my summer, it happened and there's little use in dwelling on that fact and wondering why this kind of this always seems to happen to me. But, what I believe deserves time and attention are the amazing people that I have in my life. I know I've written about this before, but I believe that any expectation I ever had has been far exceeded.

I have become a very different person than who I was in college. I don't know why and there's really no point in examining it, but I grew up to be somewhat of an introvert. I need much more time than I would have ever needed in the past and I have become much more independent and self-sufficient. But, I would like to think that I am the type of person who you can count on when it really matters. I believe I am accepting. I believe in giving people more than just a second chance. And I don't hold grudges. And I don't have any regrets other than apologies.

There are so many things that I wish I could have said to so many people in my life. And there are people who will continue to be petty and forever be consumed by the small things in life and will always hold grudges. There are other people who will remain in their cliques and continue to demean, never actually seeing the consequences of their actions or the forest through the trees. But, I believe I made the right choices in life. None of these people are in my life any more. Those who are will support and love me until death, regardless of who I've become. And, I suppose that's really the essence of true friendship.

The friends that I have are truly rare. We love each other and we have helped each other through tragedy, happiness, surprise, and anger. There are people who might not understand us or comprehend such a large number of women remaining close. But this only contributes to the rarity of this friendship. Each one of us, I believe, lends something unique to our lives and without this attribute, without this gift, we'd be less human and at a disadvantage for not having each woman in our lives. And while my contact with these women is no longer daily, I am continually blessed by their presence, forgiveness, understanding, compassion, consideration, support and love. As a consequence to my independence, I suppose I really don't rely on anyone else and I expect that I have the tools to get through something on my own. But this past week has shown me that I don't need to do that and there are people willing to help me. Regardless of whether I've asked for it. Perhaps this whole disaster happened so I stop to look at the forest, and realize all the good I've been missing.

And, as a deviation from this, I'd like to recognize Jeff. He works harder than anyone I know. But, the kind of devotion, love, care and concern this man has shown me these past weeks literally leaves me speechless. I wish that I could convey to him the true sense of gratitude that I feel at having him in my life. He has slept by my side every night. He has taken care of me. We have gone far beyond the traditional notions of boyfriend and girlfriend. This man has helped me get dressed in the morning, has attended every doctor's appointment with me, he has made sure I eat well, and has cared for me and gone to great lengths to help me in any way that I need. I know that sentimentality makes him blush, but I just wanted him to know that I know the sacrifice he's making, even if he doesn't show it.

So, thanks...for helping me see the silver lining...for picking up those rose colored glasses and making the best of a bad situation. Your friendship has always been important to me.